During my second year in law school, I had the opportunity to intern at a nonprofit legal organization called the Family Violence Appellate Project (FVAP). On the first day of my internship, the supervising attorney asked us, “What is domestic violence?”
At first glance, this question didn’t seem difficult. As law students, our instinctive reaction was to search the criminal code.
“California’s Penal Code defines ‘domestic violence’ as abuse committed against a current or former spouse, cohabitant, dating partner, or someone with whom the perpetrator has had a child. Abuse is defined as intentionally or recklessly causing bodily injury or creating a reasonable apprehension of imminent serious harm.”
This answer seemed reasonable, aligning with the general public's perception of domestic violence: physical abuse resulting in legal consequences such as fines or jail time.
However, our supervising attorney smiled knowingly.
“…But do you also know how domestic violence is defined in civil litigation, what remedies are available outside of criminal law, or how domestic violence impacts divorce proceedings?”
That day, we were taken aback. We delved into criminal law, then civil law, switching from felonies and misdemeanors to restraining orders, and from family law to custody disputes. It became clear that domestic violence laws are far more complex than we had imagined.
“This is why we often need to train lawyers, even judges,” the nonprofit attorneys told us with a smile. “But more importantly, we aim to educate the public.”
In the U.S., many nonprofit organizations, including FVAP, advocate for survivors of domestic violence. These organizations unanimously emphasize public education as a critical part of their work. Misunderstandings about domestic violence are common, and only when people are well-informed can they understand their options and effectively seek help.
(Note: In the U.S., the term “survivor” is commonly used instead of “victim” when discussing domestic violence. This reflects the idea that survivors endure a prolonged process rather than a single act of harm. )
This article aims to provide foundational knowledge about domestic violence, including what it encompasses and when you should start recognizing the need for self-help and external assistance.
Let's begin by pointing out some common misconceptions about domestic violence.
1. Domestic violence is only physical abuse.
False!
Domestic violence is far more than physical abuse.
California’s Penal Code focuses on physical violence because criminal penalties, like imprisonment, are typically reserved for such acts. However, the core of domestic violence lies in **power and control.** Physical and psychological abuse are just the visible manifestations of this dynamic.
Under California law, domestic violence includes not only physical abuse but also psychological abuse, economic control, social isolation, emotional degradation, coercion, harassment, stalking, spreading false information online, property destruction, and disturbing someone’s peace.
While these actions may not always lead to imprisonment for the abuser, survivors should recognize these behaviors as domestic violence and take steps to protect themselves.
2. Physical violence must be domestic violence.
This is not necessarily true.
As noted earlier, the essence of domestic violence is **power and control**. Physical violence, verbal abuse, isolation, and economic oppression are merely tools used to exert control.
If two partners engage in a heated argument that escalates to mutual pushing or shoving, and neither is seriously injured, it may not automatically be considered domestic violence. However, if one partner persistently belittles or controls the other without physical violence, this constitutes emotional abuse and should be recognized as a form of domestic violence.
3. There is no Legal Remedies for Emotional Abuse.
False!
Readers may wonder: If emotional abuse doesn’t involve physical harm, are there legal remedies? Are legal remedies only apply to physical abuse?
Of course not. Survivors of emotional abuse can petition the court for a restraining order. A Domestic Violence Restraining Order (DVRO) can provide various protections, including:
- No-contact orders.
- Stay-away orders.
- Removal of the abuser from the shared residence.
- Court-mandated behavior modification programs (e.g., counseling).
Also, it should be noted that it’s often beneficial for survivors to consult a professional therapist or attorney to explore their options. Domestic power struggles are rarely as simple as “he abused me, so I must divorce him.” It would be a long and difficult journey, while recognizing the problem is the first step toward resolving it.
4. If I’m not planning to divorce, I shouldn’t take legal action.
This opinion is understandable, especially among immigrants, where marital status often ties into immigration status, finances, and child custody. However, it’s not entirely correct.
Even if you decide not to pursue divorce immediately, I strongly recommend taking one proactive step: **document everything.**
It can be as simple as keeping a journal. Write down a detailed record of incidents, including dates, times, locations, potential witnesses, and direct quotes from the abuser. These records could one day serve as critical evidence.
For instance, if the violence escalates and you need to leave the abuser urgently, documented evidence can help convince a judge of the ongoing abuse, increasing your chances of obtaining protective orders. And also protect your kids.
Additionally, California’s **Family Code Section 3044** states:
“California law assumes that it's not in the child's best interest to give custody to a parent who has committed domestic violence within the last five years.”
Courts will favor the non-abusive parent in custody disputes. This provision is crucial for families with children. If you anticipate a future need to leave the abuser with your child, preserving evidence now could be invaluable.
Final Thoughts
This article has only scratched a small part of the complex issue of domestic violence. My hope is to give readers a basic understanding of domestic violence.
One lesson I learned during my time volunteering at a nonprofit is to never judge someone seeking help. Questions like “Why didn’t you just leave the abuser?” are unhelpful and dismissive. Every survivor has their own struggles, often marked by years of emotional erosion, loss of self, and profound trauma. By the time someone reaches out for help, they have already made significant considerations.
I hope everyone can live an independent and fulfilling life.
Irene CHEN, Esq.
California-licensed Attorney
